Compulsive Goat Attachment Neurosis
Obsessive Compulsive Goat
Attachment Neurosis Syndrome (O.C.G.A.N.)
is usually found in the female (but can be
found in the male as well) and can manifest itself anytime from birth
to the golden years. Symptoms may appear any time and may even go dormant in
the late teens, but the syndrome frequently re-emerges in later years.
Symptoms vary widely in both number and degree of severity. Allow me to
share some examples which are most prominent in our home.
The afflicted individual:
1. Can smell moldy hay at ten paces, but can't tell whether food
has spoiled in the fridge.
2. Finds the occasional
"Belch and Fart" session hugely
entertaining, but severely chastises her husband for similar antics.
3. Will spend hours cleaning her goat
equipment, but wants to eat on paper plates so there are no dishes.
4. Considers buck in rut a
5. Enjoys mucking out the barn, but
insists on having a housekeeper mop the kitchen floor once a week.
6. Will spend an hour trimming a goat,
but wears a baseball cap so she doesn't waste time brushing her own hair.
7. Will dig through manure piles looking for worms, but does not fish.
8. Will not hesitate to administer a
vaginal exam on a doe, but
finds cleaning out the Thanksgiving turkey cavity for dressing quite
9. By memory can mix eight different supplements in the correct proportions,
but can't make macaroni and cheese that isn't soupy.
10. Twice a week will spend an hour scrubbing algae from the water tanks,
but has a problem cleaning lasagna out of the casserole dish.
11. Will clip the nails on a goat,
and calls it cleaning, but becomes verbally violent when her husband cleans
12. Can sit through a 10 hour goat show,
but is unable to make it through a half-hour episode of Cops.
The spouse of an afflicted victim:
1. Must come to terms with the fact there is no cure, and only slightly
effective treatments. The syndrome may be genetic or caused by the inhaling
of manure particles which, I propose, have an adverse effect on female
2. Must adjust the family budget to include goat
items - hay, grain, veterinarian
services, AI equipment, milking room
equipment, show tack, truck, trailer, supplements, tack, - as well as
the (mandatory) computer equipment to keep
up with the goat world, etc. Once you have identified a monthly
figure, never look at it again. Doing so will cause tightness in your chest,
nausea, and occasional diarrhea.
3. Must realize that your spouse has no control over this affliction. More
often than not, she will deny a problem even exists as denial is common.
4. Must form a support group. You need to know you're not alone – and
there's no shame in admitting your wife has a problem.
My support group, for instance, involves men who truly enjoy Harley
Davidsons, four-day weekends, and lots of scotch. Most times she is unaware
that I am even gone, until the precise moment she needs help getting a 50
pound bag of grain out of the truck.
Author unknown, if you know who
originally printed this please let me know as I would gladly give credit.